Time Out for my "Inner Child"

*sigh* This morning my inner child threw a temper tantrum. A knock down, drag out, kicking, screaming, punch a hole in the wall tantrum. My "inner house" wall, of course. This whole thing started Monday night when my good friend and workout partner Jennifer left me a message,

"Ok, so it's snowing and tomorrow morning I am NOT going to want to get out of bed to go to the gym, so I have this plan to give us some added motivation. Call me"

I left her a message back (she doesn't answer when Heroes is on), "I'm SO interested to hear how in the world you plan on motivating us without the use of burritos and ice cream."

The plan? We pay each other $1/minute for every minute after 6:15 up to $20. Psssht...SURE! No problem! See, the whole REASON she was coming up with this motivational factor was that SHE needed motivation. She slept through one day and was late often. I, on the other hand, had only been a little late once, maybe twice. So, SURE...why the heck not? I thought to myself, "I'll just feel bad taking her money!"

Coincidentally, Monday night was horriffic. Jadon was up all night crying for no apparent reason. At 3am I finally laid down with the thought that I HAD to get up on time (in 2.5 hours)...I couldn't afford to be late! But, as you can imagine, that didn't go too well. I woke up to Jennifer's SECOND TM, wondering where in the world I was. I was 45 minutes late and unbelievably thankful that we were capping it off at $20. Also thankful for her honesty that she was 2 minutes late and that knocked me down to $18. I forced myself to laugh it off. Yah, you know, how coincidental...hahahaha...but inside I was a little ticked off at the irony of it all.

So last night, once again, I told myself, "I CANNOT AFFORD TO WAKE UP LATE!" and set the alarm a little earlier and a little bit louder than necessary.

I heard it go off. James sat up and silenced it and laid back down. I thought to myself, "I'll get up after the snooze." Little did I know, he hadn't pushed the snooze, he had turned it off!!! Next thing I knew, it was 6:11. I woke up spittin' mad. James was as sorry as he could possibly be...he didn't even remember doing it. But I was not accepting apologies. I rushed out the door and drove like, well, like a mad woman...cuz that's what I was! I was in the zone where every minute was costing me. Road construction sent my blood pressure through the roof and after all that, I still arrived more than 20 minutes late. My tab for the week was now $38. Fan freakin tastic. I walked past Jennifer on the elliptical machine with my tail tucked and steam rolling out my ears.

The up side (cuz there's ALWAYS an upside) is that there's no better time to have anger adreneline than when you're about to work out!

Ok, but I can't leave it at that. I have to finish my epiphany or my $38 was truly wasted. What did I learn? Well, after childishly telling Jennifer that I was NOT doing this anymore...(stupid game...who's idea was this anyways) I reinstated the deal and I will be setting my cell phone alarm next Monday night. And I began analyzing what it was that allowed me to get SOOOO angry. I was angry at James, I was angry at feeling so out of control, I was angry at the stupid city workers for deciding to FIX the roads and the trash truck for collecting trash on a street that was blocked down to one lane...WHAT were they THINKING?!?!? I CERTAINLY DID NOT DESERVE TO PAY FOR THEIR MISTAKES!!!

I know how ridiculous it sounds! All of those are honest mistakes and the price I paid was minimal in the grand scheme of things. But I've made some real mistakes in my life that others have paid dearly for. And at the top of that list is Jesus Christ. He paid the highest price and he didn't even feel a shred of bitterness towards me for it. I can't even remain neutral over $38...how could someone accept death on my behalf and love me intensely in spite of it?!?!? It's incomprehensible. I will spend the rest of my day in "time out" with that thought in the forefront of my mind. And for that reason, it was a $38 well spent.

But I am hoping next week's epiphany can be a little more economical!!

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